The Rain on the Plains Is Really Such a Pain

Theyre big and theyre vast, and stretch out for miles
The wheat fields of Kansas that I so revile
But my dander gets worse whenever there forms
One of these damnable Plains thunderstorms.
The clouds barely there, suddenly rise and take shape
Like a cumulus thug or a big nimbus ape
The wind starts to blow and before you realize
You’ve got twenty six pounds of dirt in your eyes.
Youre walking along with no shelter in sight
The lighting bolts love to strike someone your height
The winds pick up speed and the rain starts to blast
And you only can hope that this crap is done fast.
And five minutes later its all gone away
Except for the very bad curse words you say.
You’re soaked to the gills, and much to your sorrow
You know another ones probably coming tomorrow.


The above poem does not claim to be very good, nor does its author.
Ive been in three of those suckers now and it is amazing how fast they can form. A little cloud all of a sudden grows, the winds, already about 30 mph, all the time, suddenly hit 60 or 70 mph, you’re blown sideways, and then the unexpected. Dust, from the surface of the fields, comes at you like a train, fast and furious. Big clouds of it, and its choking and it gets in your eyes and mouth, and the grit stays for quite a while. Then the rain hits your face like buckshot, sometimes a slushy substance smacks your face too. Ive had that happen twice, and was under shelter once when hail the size of grapes fell.
The lighting is really the most frightening aspect of the storms on the plains, save for the tornado possibility. I did see the forming of a twister the other day but it dissipated before it got to full funnel shape. The lighting reminds me of the lightening on the ocean, where it strikes unseen things at ground level, or goes like a spiders web from cloud to cloud. With literally no obstructions for 360 degrees, it is breathtaking to behold, and you have a perfect view.
The clouds are also amazing. Veils of rain fall from them in the distance and it's such a beautiful sight. However, when things turn, and the beautiful veils of rain come your direction, the words that go through your mind are something along the lines of “Oh, crap!” or “Uh oh, Im gonna get a wet ass!!”
The above notwithstanding, I actually look forward to maybe being in one more good one. It is exhilarating, to say the least, and as long as I don’t get hurt and have my rain suit on, what is the harm? Two nights ago, outside Cimarron, I didn’t have the rain suit on, and got soaked through and through. The winds following the storm dried me as I walked to the next town, Ingalls, where I slept a chilly night away in the yard of a Catholic church there. I figured that I would not get hit like that again. Boy, was I wrong.
C’mon, Mother Nature! Try again. Im still on my feet, you old bat! Just kidding.